I thought I might give a little testimony to the power of surrendering to God's will. Because really, that's what it all boils down to. God's will over our own will. What I have to say in this post will only matter to you if you are at a place in your life- in your walk with Christ- where you truly want only what HE wants for you in the area of your relationships. Do you truly want only God's best that He has hand picked for you? Do you truly want to advance His Kingdom single or not? Do you really believe His promises?
How do you know if you are in God's will or your own in regards to the man your interested in? Well, ultimately, only you can know that for sure. But, here are some things that may indicate one way or the other.
Are you in place in your walk with God where you are filled with His Holy Spirit and have regular communion with God on a daily basis?
This is of utmost importance in waiting for the right mate, because if you are not filled with His Spirit, how do you expect to hear his voice and feel his gentle leading?
With that said here are a couple questions to ask yourself when trying to identify the mate God has selected for you. If the answer to any of these questions is "no", than you need to do some serious soul searching and prayer to ask God what is the right step to take moving forward. Be honest with yourself and to God. Trust Him completely that if this one you're interested in, or even in a relationship with isn't the one, He has someone so much BETTER for you than you can possibly imagine. Trust me, the pain and loneliness of being single doesn't hold a candle to the pain and despair of being married to the wrong one. As my mom once told me in response to my whining about being "alone", "Maria, just because you have someone sharing a bed with you doesn't mean you'll never feel lonely." You have to sort out your own issues of insecurity, trust in God, faith in His promises, and ability to wait, before you'll ever find fulfillment in a man.
Here goes...
1. Does he challenge you to live up to higher standard in your walk with Christ?
- As a husband, God has ordained him to be the priest of your home. Someone who you can trust with the big spiritual decisions. You will be working together, but ultimately the weight of the spiritual well-being of your home falls him. Can you trust this man as the priest of your home? Someone who will hold you and your children accountable to a deeper relationship with God? Someone who will be a pastor to you in addition to your husband.
2. Does he treat your parents with respect. Does he enjoy their company and does he respect their authority over you?
- If he has a problem fitting in with your family, there is a problem. Marriage is a package deal.
- If he has a difficult time abiding by the rules and parameters established by your parents within the courtship/relationship, red flag.
3. Are you in love with who he is now, or who he'll be some time after you've fashioned him into the man you're hoping he'll be?
- Don't get me wrong. In marriage both the man and woman grow and learn through each other, resulting in maturity. But, if what is keeping you hanging on in a relationship is the hope that one day he'll change into the godly man you want him to be, you could be setting yourself up for a real disappointment. And I'm not just talking about spiritual traits here. How is he with money? How is he with his friends and family? Is he trustworthy? Is he wise?
4. Can you really, truly, honestly be completely, totally, fully yourself with him?
-If you feel the slightest pressure that you need to be a certain way or act a certain way with him that isn't a true representation of who you are, it's wrong.
- If there is anything that you feel you can't be open about yourself to him...any subject you feel Ike you can't broach, and topic of conversation you need to steer clear of, it's wrong.
- If you feel self-conscious about yourself around him, it could be wrong.
5. Since engaging in a relationship with him, have you grown closer to God?
- This should be obvious, but I know what it is like to be caught up in the emotion of love/lust. You start slacking on your responsibilities and commitments, especially in church. You devote more time to dates and late night phone conversations than to prayer and fellowship with Him. When it is right, God will be the center of the relationship. You will be inspired to serve. You will be praying together! God will come first, and your walk with Him will grow more intimate. Thus, my next question...
6. Is there a struggle to maintain sexual purity within the relationship?
- It's completely natural to have sexual desire for the one you love. But, when Christ is the center, each of you should be so focused on maintaining the other's purity that you will do whatever it takes to do so until the appropriate time- marriage. Limit alone time. Have accountability partners. Whatever it takes. One of the fruits of the spirit is self-control. If you feel like you're losing control, then you are not walking in the Spirit. If you are in a situation where you have compromised in the area of purity, know this, God still loves you. I still love you, but you need to make a change.
7. Are you both "one" spiritually?
- You're not going to agree on everything. Your differences can make your relationship stronger! But, trust me on this- you must see eye to eye on areas of doctrine and beliefs. You must be one in spirit. Your standards of holiness must be compatible. (Amos 3:3) Your callings that God has put on each of you must somehow compliment each other. If you're called to be a missionary to China, God isn't going to pair you up with someone who isn't called to some form of missions as well. Your callings and giftings will be unique to each of you, but they will compliment each other beautifully, if it is right. You should never feel like you need to put aside the dreams and passions that The Lord has put in you for the sake of a relationship with someone.
8. Is there peace?
- This one is key. Hear me! If you feel like you need to give yourself a sales pitch about this guy- convincing yourself that he is the one- then he is not the one! If your asking yourself, "is he the one?", than you don't have peace! He may be an amazing person- even one who meets all the criteria that I've written, that doesn't necessarily mean he is the one! There are a lot of nice, good, even godly guys out there. That doesn't mean that they're THE guy. You must have peace. And those closest to you will have peace, as well. A knowing. And once you know, you know. Really, in any decision in life, if there is a wrestling, or a back and forth, then the answer is most likely no. And ultimately only you can make that decision. Be honest with yourself. Don't ignore that gnawing in your gut. That could be the Holy Spirit saying, "wait, I have something better for you." Don't fear that this one who has feelings for you is the last one who ever will!
Please, if your single or in a relationship, or even engaged, take what I have written to heart. I am writing from experience here. I know what it's like to be alone...it's tough. I also know what it's like to be with the wrong one...not fun. And by the grace of God, I know what it's like when it's right! Believe me, it is worth every day...month...year...of waiting. Trust God with your whole life! It truly is worth it!
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