Navigation Bar

Thursday, April 11, 2013

Encouragement for Step-moms Part 2

The next couple pieces of advice are things that I haven't fully accepted and I haven't fully overcome.  It's a daily struggle. And not just for step-moms.  All women struggle with the past.  And we all need constant reminders of God's grace to overcome and move on.

So in handling the day to day life as a step-mom, here are a couple more tidbits of wisdom and advice that I have learned and I am still learning.

1. Never compare yourself to the women in your husband's past.  

Enough people are already going to be comparing you.  Some may even mean well in doing so.  It's hard when people say things in comparison, even when they're in your favor-  I know.  Sometimes it would be nice to be recognized as YOU and not as your husband's "new". So in light of this, do yourself a favor.  Tune it out.  Accept the intended compliment.  And also accept that some people may not like you.  Accept that you are YOU and your husband chose YOU.

Whether you compare yourself to your spouse's past in a positive light or a negative light-  either one is dangerous.

The first type of comparison tears down.  It puts unnecessary pressure on you to measure up to something that doesn't even matter! When you beat yourself up over how you cook, clean, look, and what you weigh, in light of your spouse's past - that is a miserable life!  The pressure mounts up and you can't fully enjoy the gifts in life that you have. And you can't appreciate the unique traits that make you YOU.  When you get in that pit, and all women have experienced that pit at some point, it affects all those around you - your spouse, your kids, your step-kids.  And potentially leads to depression.  Give it up.  Talk about it with your spouse.  Talk about it with a trusted friend who will give you Godly counsel and encouragement.  Don't bottle it up.

The second type puffs up.  We all like the feeling of knowing we're better at something than someone else.  Especially if it's our husband's ex-girlfriend or ex-wife!  That doesn't make it right.  It's vanity. And it's sin. This type of thinking also adds pressure.  Now there is pressure to stay better...stay on top.  Fighting for nothing.  Dangerous.

The only person you ever need to compare yourself to is Christ.  He is the standard.  He is the one to strive to be more like every day.

2. You must forgive.

This may seem like a no-brainer.  But, even when I am madly in love and fully devoted there is that little weed of unforgiveness that can creep up at the most inopportune times.  I hate to admit but there you have it.   And the weed needs to be dealt with by the root, not just chopped off.  It's easy to think about the pain or situation you may be feeling in the moment due to the past of others, but don't forget the pain that those others went through too.

Nothing exposes our own issues quite like marriage.  I'm thankful for it all though.  And as I said in the beginning, I am still learning these lessons.  It really is a daily battle.  That is where God's grace comes in.  I have to ask the Lord for strength to love, forgive and only compare myself to Him.


  1. Great word Maria!! Keep them coming :)

  2. Even though this is old this blessed me in such a way i cannot explain. I am new "bonus mom" and its hard at times but with God ALL is possible! Thank you!